My mood sucks. I waver back and forth between feeling sorry for myself and being really pissed off.
I’m pretty certain that I have another damn cyst in my ovary. It gets old. I’m frustrated. And while I realize it could be worse, that doesn’t really do anything for me. In fact that thought kinda pisses me off too in all honesty. I mean, really? Is the only way to make me feel better about things to tell myself it could be worse??? What the hell kind of condolence is that shit?
I’m really fed up with is my
husband being fed up with me. As if this is something I can control. As if I’m not killing myself trying to make sure he doesn’t have to put in any extra god damn effort on my behalf. I don’t ask him for shit, except maybe to let me go to bed early. I’ve kept up with the house, the kids, the laundry, making dinner and you know what? What the fuck is up with him not appreciating any god damn thing I do until it’s not done?
Now, on top of already feeling inadequate for not being able to do more than I’m doing, I’m catching shit because we haven’t had sex in 2 days? 2DAYS!!! And instead of him realizing that it’s a fuckin circumstance and not some huge character or relationship flaw, I’m getting, “Do you love me? I’m so lonely.” crap. I’m not saying his feelings are crap, they are his feelings. I just think it’s bullshit that this stuff only comes up when the world stops revolving around him. Like clockwork. I can expect it. Hell, just look back through my blog. After Pickle was in the hospital for a week, I caught shit off him because he was “lonely”. For the love of Christ, we just spent the WHOLE weekend together. We spent an entire night out alone and do you know what the fuck we talked about the whole time.? Him and his goddamn job and what was going on with him. THE WHOLE TIME. Normally it wouldn’t bother me, I’m his wife, his partner. He should be unable to unload on me, but when I get slapped in the face with such selfishness in return, it’s just, stupid. Where the fuck is my partner, by the way?
I don’t need this drama.
Jesus, I AM SO SICK OF THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It just makes all of this harder. It’s him doing shit like this that makes me want to pull away. Cause I just feel like there’s no making him happy. You know, god forbid I should end up finding out I have breast cancer or some shit like that. We’d never make it. I’d never make it. Cause if it’s not about him, forget it.
As much as I’ve sacraficed for this man, you’d think the least I could get is some compassion.
Well guys, you can all thank my friend Crazie for MAKING me call my OB/GYN for the appointment to have my ovaries AND that lump in my breast checked out. You’ll be happy to know, I’ll be in stirrups in a tacky, uncomfortable paper gown tomorrow morning at 9:15.