My mind has been on a dozen journeys this week and some of it needs a resting place.
#1- THE EX.
As it turns out, no matter how far removed I am from him it seems he always finds a way to hurt me. That irritates the shit out of me. I mean for God’s sake, I’ve been with my husband for over 7 years, you think the EX could find a way to move on. And you know what it is? It’s that he has nothing. Nothing to move forward to, no vision, no hope and so I guess a man without future will return to his past. Fine. If he wanted to come to me and talk to me, I would have no problem with that. But, no. He has to talk about me and the stuff he says isn’t even true and he knows it’s not true. What is that?
Maybe it just bugs me that he doesn’t get me or to think that he never did and that he doesn’t care to. I really wish there was a resolution. Closure. But, it seems that for some people it’s just easier to be sure they are/were miserable than to try to be happy. I can’t change his opinion and why should I bother? He never cared and as he says, he never really loved me. It does what it’s supposed to. It hurts and that’s what he choose to leave me with and so that’s how it will be.
I found an old friend from high school on Myspace. Found out she had married her high school sweetheart, only to find that he had been battling brain cancer for the last 3 years. He had died Feb 5th at the tender age of 27. Just imagining being in her shoes, brought me to weeping in a moment of solitude in the shower. I just broke down and cried. How do you do that? How do you lose the love of you life, your soulmate, your best friend, the father of you child and still get up in the morning? I literally just feel an ache in my heart for her and it’s been weighing on my mind.
And I’m gonna stop here…because I have to.