That’s pretty much going down as my word of the week and it’s only Wednesday morning.

You ever have one of those weeks where everything you encounter leaves you feeling a little off? Not wow like WOW! but wow I can’t believe that just happened or that someone just said something. I’m having one of those weeks.

Aside from being sick and feeling like shit, it started Sunday with a recurring event that has been going on with Pickle for the past week or so, and it always comes and goes through the years. Fecal play. They tell me, that this is fairly common for children who have been sexually abused, but that condolence never quite takes the edge off of it. Or the smell. It’s really hard to deal with and of course any explanation always leave me bewildered. Husband and I sat up with him til close to 1am this morning, trying to get to the bottom of the situation. Another walking on glass situation because you don’t want to make him feel like he’s being interrogated, but you also are in the position of kinda forcing him to talk about “it” without leading him to say things. Then I always start beating myself up because while it’s hard for me to deal with from my end and I know that it’s not as bad as what he’s been through by any means. I feel guilty for feeling anything at all. It’s just hard. It strains the relationship. I don’t know what to do about that.

Then there are other relationships that are apparently strained without my knowing. I don’t know what to do or what to say and frankly I’m just getting tired of the drama and worrying about it at all. I know that I’m a good friend and person and I’ve NEVER done anything for that to be in question. You know what it is? Other people’s insecurities. I find that other people react more to what they do than what is actually being done to them. Meaning, they assume you are this way, because they are that way. Or something like that. It just throws me for a loop.

Then there is the newest thing that has left me wowed. I’m up at 6:30 this morning getting things ready for Crazie to bring her kids back over and she never shows. Having talked to her yesterday and told her that I was feeling much better and that I would see her tomorrow, I get worried wondering what has happened to her and the kids. I’m calling and calling and calling when finally, I get an e-mail of all things.

Listen up people! E-mailing is not the proper way to handle a problem. In fact, it’s borderline offensive to handle your problems that way if you are in the habit of ALWAYS calling someone. AND, if you aren’t mad about anything, you shouldn’t suddenly accuse someone of something that has nothing to do with it. This would lead the receiver of the e-mail to believe you are full of shit and that there OBVIOUSLY is a problem. From what I could gather and it was pretty hard to dig through the bullshit, I’m being punished for being sick Monday and she’s playing some game to prove a point. I’ve checked out. Don’t have time. Wake me when it’s over.

And you know what else? I just wish people could make up their minds whether they are confident or passive-aggressive? I mean can you really be both?

I’m off to find something to eat that will comfort me, which is a whole other subject for a different day.


Quote of the day: Never explain. You’re friends don’t need it and you’re enemies will never believe you anyway.

10 thoughts on “wow

  1. what a mess. i hope things get better soon. I know that when my sd was sexually abused it was so hard to get her to talk without talking for her. and then her bio mom never even believed her. it was sad.
    good luck with the rest of your week.

  2. Love the quote.  I often have weeks or maybe a couple of days in a row where things dont seem to make sense.  I have no idea what to say about the Devon issure because I dunno what to say.  And I am not going to pretend i do.  All i can say is I think you have been a wonderful mother to him and you will figure things out.  It always seems like you do.  He is lucky to have you and you him.  Hope things start to work themselves out. 

  3. i am praying for you sweetheart. Just stay stong. Even in the times that seem too unreal for words, there is still someone greater that is watching out for us. It will get better, hold to you,ALICE

  4. ha! The quote is great…and I am not at all mad at you goof. Ok…sorry about christie…hope all works out well. With Devon as well. Call me sometime hussy. The kiddies had fun sunday…I joined myspace…but haven’t done much with it yet…thanks for introducing me…I will later when I have time. Wait…will we ever have more time? Maybe I am really hoping for just less to do. Maybe so are you!smooches

  5. I’ve never been sexually abused, but I have been physically abused as a child. Speaking from experience, a child’s perspective of the world is always a little distorted because they’re too young to really understand what’s going on. But having you as his mother to sit with him assures him that even in a unstable world you’ll always be on his side and by his side, whether it’s 1pm or 1am, and that makes a world of difference to him. Sometimes we don’t have the perfect things to say or the perfect answers to everything, but as moms we don’t need to. We just need to be there and love them, and you’re doing just that and that’s something to be proud of. Good luck!

  6. Hang in there… and yes… Christie is being an idiot.  Personally, I don’t think you can be passive-aggressive and confident; they seem to be opposites.  I’m confident and aggressive-aggressive 🙂

  7. i came by b/c i feel like i haven’t heard from you in foooooooooorever and I miss you!!! (((hugs))) you know that quote is one of my all time favorites. spoken from the mouth of a VERY wise woman. remember that! you are wise and wonderful… anyone that doesn’t know that can go suck an egg (i wasn’t thinking egg… but i’ll keep it G rated)

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