Why or why or why do people expect of you what they never ever provide? This is where going to church your whole childhood can really screw you up. That whole….

Do unto others as you would have done unto you” thing…….CRAP! I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s great in theory but it usually doesn’t pan out. Or maybe that’s all the other stuff they fill your head with like if your a good person people will be good to you. That’s not really the same thing is it. Practicing doing unto others as you would have done unto you, doesn’t mean people WILL do unto you. That must’ve been organized religion’s take on it though. Gotta love that whole pesky sense of entitlement. What’s that about?

I guess other than just being aggravated in a general sense…..I don’t have much to complain about. I mean Jesus, was a pretty rockin dude himself and they nailed him to a cross.

Did I mention I’m getting ready to start my period and that I’m pretty sure I have another cyst in my ovary? Physicla pain in not helping my mental state.

I’m crabby people. Allow me my day without making too much of it. I guess maybe it wouldn’t be so shocking if I was always such a bitch.

This to shall pass. It always does.

Can’t wait to get back to all the fluffy stuff.

Welcome Home

My friend Crazie has moved home to Ohio. She actually is gonna live about a mile down the road from me. I’m kinda excited to have a friend’s house that I can walk to. That’s an amazing feat. She came over tonight to hang out and we had a glass of wine to help her chill out after nearly a week of packing and driving from Florida and unpacking and moving stress. It was just fun to have her here. We have always had good conversations over the phone, but they are 10x better in person. She hugged when she left and told me she was hella happy to be home. That this was the first time she felt “home” in a long time and that she said Thank-you for your company and for being a true friend. That meant a lot to me.

Jedi’s 5th birthday party will be tomorrow at my MIL’s house. His birthday isn’t actually until Wednesday, Feb 1st, but still, WOW! I can’t believe he’s gonna be 5! It really blows my mind. Although I am wicked excited to have friends and family together. I enjoy time like that with the people that matter most. Wow! My little peanut isn’t a baby anymore. WOW! That’s pretty much all I can come up with after 2 glasses of wine.

My husband is out with his buddy tonight. Guys night out I suppose. I did have my girl’s night out a few weeks back so I guess were even or something like that. Is this jealousy I sense? I’m not sure. It’s more like some feeling of unsettleness, perhaps vulnerability???

Too tired to ponder. Off to bed. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Resolutions for a Healthy Marriage

Saw this on Yahoo! And thought it beared repeating…..

Whether your marriage is in its infancy, adolescence or mature years, it takes work and attention to keep it healthy. Think of a marriage as an entity that needs to be tended to – like a flower or your favorite leather coat. It starts off as top of the priority list, then as you see it flourishing, you spend less and less time on its care.

Here are a few tips for changing that around in 2006 and putting your marriage at the top of the list:

  • Compliment your partner.
    We’re so used to letting others know what’s wrong that we often forget to remind them of what’s right. Make sure you say something positive to your partner EVERY single day of the year.

  • Plan time for romance.
    You’ve heard this before, no? Well, 2006 is the time to follow through. Ask that teenager across the street if she’ll watch your kids one night a week, or call your mother-in-law (or brother-in-law) and do the same. A few hours a week can do wonders for the relationship.

  • Exercise.
    Sounds out of place? It’s not. Regular exercise keeps your spirits up, and boosts confidence and self-esteem. Feeling good about yourself only allows less time for brooding and more for pampering your partner.

Add your tips for a healthy marriage to the comments section below.

Strange dreams

I had a dream last night that my cousin had a little boy and named him Peter. Then I check her Xanga and she’s talking about whether if she has a boy if she should name him Peter, after her husband’s father. I don’t know if I knew his Dad’s name was Peter or not, but it’s still a little eerie

And it reminded me of another dream I had about a baby that ended up being somewhat prophetic. I don’t know if I’ve ever told this story before, but I thought I would now.

When I was pregnant with my daughter my due date was Easter….April, 20, 2003. And since this was my third child and she was due on Easter, I picked her name which means “blessed three” I ended up going into preterm labor at six and a half months. I had to be admitted to the hospital to stop labor, got all pumped up with magnesium – which makes you feel like your entire body has sunburn on the inside of your skin, and basically….they got me to stop dilating but not contracting. So I contracted for next three months. Having to go to the hospital several more times. And it was pretty much known that I was never going to make it to my due date….but the question was when would I have this baby?

Anyways, the whole time I was pregnant I kept having dreams about giving birth, but I was always a teenager in my dreams, my dear friend Darryl was always the father, although I referred to him by my husband‘s name and I was always going into labor in the house I grew up in Northern Virginia. In my dreams we always had to call for an ambulance and Darryl/husband  would always ask what the address was and I would scream, “4 – 7 – 0 – 3 Kenny Court!!!” They were pretty funny habitual dreams that I shared with my Mom and husband.

One of the times I had to go back to the hospital…was March 3, 2003. My Mom kept saying while I was there that it would be most appropriate if I had her on 3-03-03 and then oddly enough I started dilating again on 03-30-03, but they stopped labor again. It ended up that I had an ultrasound done that showed my daughter had pretty wide shoulders and so after all my dilating and contracting, I was scheduled for a C-section on Monday, April 7, 2003.

When they brought me back from surgery and I got to hold my her for the first time, my Mom was filling out my daughters, Social Security form and she gasped and says…..

“Stephanie, Remember how  you kept having those dreams about Kenny Court. The birthdate is 4-7-03.”

The sweet and the sour

This weekend was both very bad and very good.

I got a call first thing in the morning Saturday from my cousin, SHE’S PREGNANT!!!! I’m soooooo happy for her and her Hubby. They’ve been trying for a couple months and got the much waited for results.

Then there was the sour. My husband was a complete prick all day long. Picking fights with me and my character. My guess was that it had something with everything that has been going on here and that the world had ceased to revolve around him. To say the very least, I was not amused with his tactics. He was not nice and it left me quite flabergasted. I mean, I just spent nearly a week up in the hospital with Pickle, away from everything, worrying, not sleeping. ERrrrrRR!! Is he serious? I swear sometimes the male in him just bleeds me dry.

But I still kept my plans to go out with my girlfriends, Matilda, my best friend and her sister. We had a blast. There was talking and drinking and dancing and lots of laughing. So much that my cheeks hurt, but it hurt so good. I really needed that time out. Could’ve done without creepy Cosby sweater guy becoming a clingon at the bar, but watching Matilda tell him off made me feel loved all over again. And dancing with Matilda’s cute pin stripped shirt friend made up for that. He offered to save me, which was much appreciated and kind of flattering. Very strange how keenly aware I was that his hand touched my hip though. Before I got married that wouldn’t have made me think anything. Not that it was dirty or sexual in anyway, but I just knew it wasn’t my husband‘s hand and so it made me feel a little awkward, which the bestie picked up on and cut in. Gotta love a protective girlfriend.

And then there was Sunday. My Dad came over and watched the kids so we could go watch the gut-wrenching Steelers v. Colts playoff game. On our way over to BIL’s house to watch the game, we found a secluded area and checked out the fold-down seats in the VUE. Those things come in handy by the way.
Then there was the game. Geesh. Did I happen to mention that my in-laws are Steelers fanatic. There was definitely a moment watching that game Sunday when I thought, ‘I don’t want to be here if they lose’ because it would’ve been because of a bad call and that’s the WORSE way to lose a game. If you watched the game, you can imagine the tension. If you didn’t, you probably missed the best NFL playoff game of all time.

Today is Pickles’s first day back at school. He’s doing so well. Leaps and bounds over where he was last week. That does my heart well. Nothing else matters as much as knowing my kids are going to be ok.

What a week


This past week has been crazy. I can’t even believe it’s already Friday again.


Last Friday morning, Pickle woke up and came down for breakfast and when he went to tell me what he wanted….it came out as,

“JInkaniybkiyewmif”  and after about 5 mins of that there was no response for him. I knew he was in the middle of a seziure. I called the doctor and they had me take him down to ER. The doctor’s at the ER couldn’t even get him to say his name so they gave him this fabulous anti-convulsant medication that did nothing, except make him high and he was completely out of it. His eyes kept rolling back in his head, he couldn’t walk, etc, etc. He was admitted for overnight observation. Apparently one of the side of effects of the medicine they gave him is hallucination so that made for an interesting night. Watching him stare at the ceiling, absolutely terrified that whatever he saw above him, was going to get him. (note: this is also especially freaky if you’ve just watched the Exorcism of Emily Rose)

Saturday was quite possibly the worst day I’ve ever had with him. He woke up fine, but then he just went out of his mind. He was screaming and kicking. He spit on me, hit my husband, kept trying to run out of his room, chewed through a wire to a monitor they had hooked up to him, wrapped a sheet and another cord around his neck. It was awful. They had to put him in a bed with netting all around it so he couldn’t get out and hurt himself. They also had to assign him a 1:1 nurse, which means, she had a desk in his room and he wasn’t allowed to be left alone. After holding him down and rubbing his head and whispering in his ear for over an hour, I got him to sleep and I came home to sleep.

Sunday we were told that they wanted to do another 24 hour EEG to check on his seizure activity, but that it couldn’t be started until Monday morning. D was much matter than the day before. Calmer for certain, but still seeming confused.

Monday he got hooked up to the EEG. The way this works is that they connect about 30 little wires to his scalp and cover them up, they connect all the little wires down to a pack that he carries on a strap on his shoulder, and then there is a long cord from the pack to a computer where the brain waves are recorded. Also on the computer is a video camera and a microphone. I had to be with him the entire time to write down and mark on the computer when he had an “episode”. I could only sleep when I was certain he was asleep and with all this crap hooked up to him, you can imagine why neither of us got much sleep.

Then because of things that were coming up on the EEG…they decided that he should remain hooked up for another 24 hours and add a new drug treatment before bed Tuesday night which put us into Wednesday.

Wednesday the good doctor came to tell us that what is happening to Pickle is that he is having A LOT (almost once per a second) of seizures in his sleep BUT the new medicine did start to tone it down. So we got sent home with orders to go back yesterday and have an MRI done because as it turns out…all of Pickle’s seizures happen in the left part of his brain where his speech & language function is, instead of all over. Which would also explain the weird grabled speech episodes. So, they wanted the MRI to make sure there was no brain damage there or anything like that which could be causing the seizures. I was really worried he would have to be sedated for the MRI, but somehow (with the grace of God, I’m sure) he was able to lay completely still for nearly 30mins. For a 9 year old boy with ADHD…this is nothing short of a miracle.

The MRI showed there isn’t anything wrong….except for the nocturnal seizures affecting it and unfortunately these are the hardest seizures to control.

D is doing much better. He’s back to his “normal” self and home which is a VERY good thing. I’m tyring to get my life and house back in order, as being away for a week takes it’s toll on EVERYTHING.


I’m planning some time out with girlfriends for this weekend and really looking forward to it. Oh and I lost 10lbs! It’s called the “I’m worried sick about my child” diet….I wouldn’t recommend it. But I guess it helps me with my resolution.

It’s gonna be alright

Crazie’s Dad is dong much better. Thanks to all for your thoughts and prayers. Crazie is also better. We did dinner last night. It was good. Actually it was great. It’s not to often I get out with anybody for girl time. We got to talk about men and sex. Great distraction for her, great down time for me. Keeping my fingers crossed that her Dad will get her to move back home from Florida. Then there can be more girls nights out. OH, and the best part…I didn’t even cheat on my diet. I had a wonderful salad (her treat, which makes everything taste better) and diet pop. That’s right I call it “pop”.

Today, I did grocery shopping. I really feel content after filling my kitchen with food.

Lil sis is over. She’s having a bad day. We had a girl talk and now she’s chillin on the couch with some blankies, feeling cozy and at home. That also makes me content.

Off to finish chores. I’ve become a real busy body lately. I just keep going, and going, and going and going…..

New Year

Today has been a day of taking down decor and finding room for storage that I don’t have. It seems every year when we do this, we have to find someplace new to store these things away, cause the place where they were is filled. Plus, my kids destroyed the box the Christmas tree came in, so finding a place for that will be even more fun.

Yesterday we worked on getting our house back in order. The kids had to take all their new Christmas gifts and put them away…properly. Which meant I had to help them organize their playroom. The sheer amount of things they have is distracting. I don’t know how they can focus on just one toy at a time.

I really wish I had the time and money to go buy storage containers and have a place for everything. But time and money are always the two things I am short on. Seems like if I have one, I don’t have the other.


Please keep my friend Crazie and her father in your thoughts. Her Dad had a massive heart attack last night and has yet to recover. He’s in his second surgery now and she is flying home from Florida. Send good thoughts her way.