Slowly but surely, I am learning when to keep my mouth shut. I’ve finally learned who I can talk to openly and honestly and who I have to walk on egg shells around. I’ve learned who will take what I say as genuine and who will take what I say and make it into whatever they want it to mean. I’ve learned who actually gives a shit and who it’s a waste of time to share my feelings with and how not to be bitter about it. Take what I have, and be satisfied. Maybe it’s also that I’ve learned to value my own opinion. I’ve learned to respect my own thoughts and my own decisions without being so self-doubting about it. I know not everybody is going to agree with me all the time or take what I say as some golden epiphany, but I’ve arrived at those opinions and thoughts because of my experiences. The experiences that have made me. So there’s that whole to thine own self be true thing. Cause when you are true to yourself and your ideas and your morals, but without passing judgement on those who have varying opinions and are able to keep an open ear and mind…that’s being the best person you can be because you build that on your own experiences. That’s how I evolve.
I realize at this point that this is probably making no sense to anyone but me so I’ll just let out what lead to this. It may not be all sunshine and roses, but it isn’t mean either. It’s just …..how I feel.
I sometimes read a girl’s site whom I used to be EXTREMELY close with and when she writes things like. ‘I just expect of others what I give’ or things like it is amazing to her that a girl from this area is ‘actually concerned about my plight‘ – it’s like a slap in the face to me because this is someone who I cared deeply about. Still do. Someone I would’ve done anything for and did when she asked. Someone I thought would be there as my friend when I was old and gray. But instead she says I’m too negative for her and that I’ve made up my illnesses for attention. That was what I got in return for being a friend. Now it is what it is between her and I and it is my humble opinion that she has indeed gotten what she has given others. When she loves others, they return the favor. When she acts nonchalant about the relationship and takes it for granted, they return the sentiment. And when she drops off the face of the Earth and moves on with her life, they follow suit. And while I sometimes want to tell her how I feel, I’ve pretty much decided that she doesn’t care. So I shut my trap BUT I’ve learned a lesson. All is not a loss.
After all, I guess she’s entitled to her opinion too, even if it’s a hard one to understand.
Interesting fact of the day
If you hook Jell-O up to an EEG, it registers movements almost identical to a human adult’s brain waves.