Old boyfriends

I’m reading a book with the above title. In the book, these three grown women who live in California but all came from the South. Some how they all arrive at the same point in their life, at the same time. They are disgusted with the men in their lives. (rightfully so I may add) They decide to go on a road trip back home to find whatever it is that they left behind that might help them figure out who they are now. It starts to become apparent that they are searching for some feeling they had with an old boyfriend.

I didn’t think about it much in context to my own life until I read a friend’s site this morning where the old boyfriend factor arose again. Why do girls do this? It’s like once there is time and distance between us and the relationship, the guy ends up on some immortal pedestal and we forget all the reasons why he became the old boyfriend in the first place. I mean, even if it wasn’t our own decision, no matter who is the breaker upper and who is on the receiving end. It happened for a reason and probably a damn good one. I also have to stop and wonder if guys do this crap too. Although I don’t see three middle aged men all jumping in a convertible and traveling half way across America to find an old girlfriend that they are wondering about. But every girl has one guy that we wonder about. So who is my old boyfriend that I MIGHT go searching for if my life was turned upside down???

For me, it’s Darryl. Darryl because he was the guy who treated me best and made me feel like a queen. There were other boys who were decent to me, but their after-actions just ruined all those fuzzy memories. With Darryl it was never like that. We started out as acquaintances at  a very young age. Then I moved away and when I moved back he was living next door. We became very good friends. We confided in each other. He had his girlfriends and I had my boyfriends. Then he started dating one of my friends and we were requested to stop talking to one another. We didn’t, we couldn’t. They broke up and I lost a friend. But things never went back to the way they were before. He stopped seeing me as the chick who played tag football with all the boys on the block. And he wasn’t just my funny guy friend with the basketball always in tote. I can’t even explain how connected I felt with him. But we broke up. He was in the Air Force and going to be sent halfway around the world and I was finishing my senior year of high school. When he left we agreed to see other people and do our own things with discretion, because it would kill either of us to actually KNOW.  And even with another boy in the picture, I cried myself to sleep almost every night because I missed Darryl so much. It physically hurt. So, I flew out to see him and told him it was just too hard. I told him that despite wanting to be with him, I needed someone within reach of me. He wanted to get married so we could be together, but neither of our parents were going to sit by for that. When he came home for Christmas that year, I snuck away from my then boyfriend to go see Darryl. I jumped out of my friend’s car before it even stopped and ran and jumped into his arms. We just stood there hugging for what seemed like forever. He again proposed to me.  Got down on one knee and begged me to marry him before he left to go to Guam so I could go with him, right in front of my friend, knowing I was already seeing someone else. Beyond tough.

Anyways….with us it’s different though cause we kept in touch while he was in Guam. I actually got engaged during that time, but then that went to hell and he met his wife around the same time. It got weird between us again. So, I stopped taking the calls when they came and then they just stopped coming. There was silence for seven years between us and then last year on Christmas Day, in my e-mail Inbox, there he was again. He was in Iraq which put a lot of things in perspective. We had been great friends before and he hoped we could be again. And so we are. We still talk about once a month. The husband and I even had drinks with him last summer when we both ended up back in the old neighborhood at the same time.

So if my life went crazy, I wouldn’t have to look hard for him, I know he’s in Colorado, but I’d still drive out there and make him sit and talk with me for hours on end. But I assure you there is ABSOLUTELY no temptation for me there. I figure the grass may sometimes look greener on the other side but, it could be sitting on top of a sewer drain. Know what I’m sayin’? Everybody has there pitfalls, but I know my husbands and I’ve already invested 5 years here. I love him, bad habits and all. AND he loves me, bad habits and all. You don’t get what we have overnight.

Tell me. Who’s your old boyfriend/girlfriend? What’s the story?

15 thoughts on “Old boyfriends

  1. I told my dad that story, and he said it happened more than I thought, so now I don’t feel so dumb. Thanks for stopping by my site.

  2. ryc:  she’s a nut!!  i love it though.  she loves to run around with feather boas and huge, pimp sunglasses too.  she’s gonna be crazy when she grows up…i’ll be in a mental institution by then, LOL!!

  3. Mine wasnt so much an old boyfrined.  he was a close friend of mine.  I wanted more and he didnt but we remained friends from 7th grade on into about the 11th grade when i moved and we lost touch.  He would always come over and we would play Nintendo and watch movies.  LOL  I could pretty much tell him anything and he wouldnt laugh or think i was stupid.  I frequently have dreams about him.  I havent heard from him or know where he is.  Sometimes I think maybe something horrible happened to him.   I dont know.  I dont want to dwell on the past but i wanna know why he wasnt interested you know?  Hope you have a  great weekend!

  4. My boyfriend was a gigantic jerk so I wouldn’t search him out even if the world was ending.  (harsh I know).  I would seek out a good friend of mine though that said he always loved me and thought we would get married except for one small thing.  He is gay and even back in High School we all knew it but for some reason he either didn’t see it or didn’t want to admit it.  He is now out and is happy but I think he is embarrassed somehow and won’t talk to me.  I know where he is but think I am waiting for him to contact me.  Maybe I will call him this weekend. 

  5. high school best friend, John Derek…
    He’s married now.  Has a baby.  But there’s always that ‘what if’ that pops into my head when I see him…  we used to be attached at the hip.  Now I may see him once a year.  Oh well.  I’m fairly happy where I’m at, and I’m kinda glad we never dated.  It would have ruined all of those memories from high school, and my dating life would have been completely different if we had been together.  (maybe that’s not a bad thing!)

  6. omg I devoted so many entrys of my xanga to my ex jason. i talk to him once in awhile…for a long time i wanted to be with him again but after talking to him the last time *bout 2 weeks ago* i realized he has changed and it’s all about money and power to him. that is not what he was when we were together *11 years ago* but it is now. and that is not what I am after. so I feel better about it but sometimes when i am having a really rough day i will email him. and then i wait for months for him to respond….cause i am not as important to him as he was to me.
    anyhow good post! glad i am not the only one!

  7. its always good to read other peoples stories, Steph..thanks for sharing that. It puts a lot of things in perspective..You know my story..i wont spill it again…Most days i struggle. The relationship ending was of no reason that iw ill ever understand. SOmetimes i wonder if he even understands. But it did indeed end. No matter how hard it is to understand, its accepted. I suppose i will always have the what ifs until someone comes along, and as granny says, “blows him out of the water”…or until someone comes along for him and he really does seriosly move on, as well. Right now..when we are this close, and those factors arent involved..its hard.
    🙂 But just as you and Daryll have remained freinds…Jay and i always will be, i think. Regardless of what the feelings are or arent. One thing is for certain: He is the one person that understands me through and through and vice versa.
    🙂 much love,
    ALICE

  8. I had a girlfriend that i still think about. I’m pretty convinced that I’ll never meet someone like that again. I felt like I was the best man I could have possibly ever been when I was with her. but things just didn’t work out in the end. hopefully, one day, i’ll see her again.

  9. There’s one… and we’ve been great friends for years and years… and we’ve been more than friends for years and years… and for a long time, I wanted to be his other half, and he wanted none of it.  Those feelings never really changed for me over all the time we had been friends… so I never was really interested in anyone and I never put any effort into dating because deep down I always hoped that we’d be more than whatever we were.  There was an incident when I went to visit him a while back that shocked me into reality.  We’ll be friends forever, but nothing more.  And that’s how it should be…that’s not to say that it still doesn’t hurt a little.

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