Make it StOP

This morning was spent at the doctor’s office….again. Pickle isn’t doing well. These “episodes” he is having come more often and last longer. He forgets where he is or what he’s doing. This in turn terrifies him. Then he becomes angry.

Me – I’m exhausted. I stay up at night researching online. Thinking of polite ways to say “I think you’re an incompetent piece of shit doctor whose wasting valuable time.” The exhaustion heightens the frustration. The frustration leads to anger, the anger drains me emotionally and physically. Vicious cycle.

Don’t feel like talking about me, him…… or it anymore.

I don’t feel like thinking anymore.

I just want to shut it all off.

I just want a hug, to cry, someone to listen and actually care without thinking I’m too negative or acting like the “glass is half full”. No judgement on whatever words leave my mouth on emotion. Unconditional acceptance.

9 thoughts on “Make it StOP

  1. Hang in there and follow your instincts.  If you don’t like the doctor, and you don’t think he is going down the right path… go elsewhere.  You know you son better than anyone… a mother’s intuition it is.  I am very glad your vacation is coming up.

  2. I don’t know exactly what your story is, but it sounds maybe similar to mine. I feel you on just wanting your husband. Sucks ass when they don’t feel the same. You hang in there. Like your blog BTW.

  3. are the episodes happening at night when he sleeps ? just wondering… my friends son used to have night terrors and it would happen at all hours of his sleep.. pretty freightening…
    anyway, where is your hubby? just curious. hope things get better and you find a doctor that IS worth a damn.

  4. i just subbed to you, im not sure whats going on, but im going to read your blog farther back… your family is in my thoughts and prayers in these trying times
    be blessed,

  5. oh…boo fucking hoo for you. i am so sorry that you have to deal with the terriblness of being middle class with imagined diseases so you can gain attention that your children have taken simply becuase they are cuter and less maintenance. this is why we don’t talk…or associate in any way. mostly because you cry about everything in your world of your own making. not anyone’s fault but your own. suck it up. that is all

  6. wow…that girl two comments up seems to have a rudeness problem. dont pay any attention to her, k? I mean i dont know her at all, and have no idea what yalls connection is, but she seems to be a little bitter for whatever reason..
    I hope things get better..

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