Bummed but not done

I got through my first low carb day. It ended with a REALLY BAD migraine, sugar withdrawl I’m sure, but this morning I woke up with more energy. Didn’t have as much trouble getting my ass up out of bed so I’m feeling positive on the diet front. I’m focused.

I’m feeling a little bummed this morning though. I think all the media images of destruction and desperation are really affecting me more than I realize emotionally. It’s weird the way I been affected. I seem to be breaking into tears over little things. Like yesterday… I did all my grocery shopping and I felt, well….more gratfeul than I usually do when I’m shopping but I felt guilty as well. Even putting my kids to bed last night, I cried thinking about the people that have lost their babies to dehydration already. It’s heartbreaking to me. I can’t even imagine. I’m also a little annoyed because I’m starting to wonder about the response time there. Seems after 9/11 that there was a lot of help, right away. Granted I realize there are many obstacles in the way, but they also knew it was coming 2 days beforehand and they thought it would hit New Orlenas directly so why weren’t more things in place? I hate to admit this my I really do wonder if it’s because 9/11 happened in the financial district of New York and we’re dealing with mostly poor, minorities in this instance. I dunno, but doesn’t it make you wonder.  And then the people that are attacking rescuers? You know, I don’t know what I would do in that sitaution. I know I’d do anything I had to to keep my kids alive and if I got desperate enough, well I would probablly do just about anything I felt I had to, ANYTHING.
My parents are leaving for my Nana’s house in the next hour or so. I really would like to go see my Nana, again. I’d like to take all the kids. The boys were incredibly bummed that they didn’t get to go last time. I wish I lived closer to extended family, especially right now.
I miss relationships with substance. The ones you can rely on through thick and thin but are still fulfilling when just hanging out, being silly and poking fun at each other. I appreciate those relationships the most.
It’s been kinda bothersome to me lately that other people who you are related to could care less whether you come or go. I mean family should mean something. Hell, when you call someone a friend, you should be one in return. Relationships are more valuable than gold, even in hard times….they should mean something, they should be worth the effort. Don’t get me wrong, I have great relationships with people in my family and I have a few really close friends, I’m content with that because they’re good to me, but it just seems like anymore that people just do whatever is fitting for them with no regard for others. Then they just tell themselves whatever they have to, to make their selfish behavior ok in their own mind. What is it with people? These things have taught me a lot though. Maybe, I should just be grateful for that.
Even if it’s naive, I refuse to become hardened.

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