Marriage is hard work.

It has ups and it has downs.

The last few days were definitely a down.

Monday he had taken a vacation day to help my sister move into her new apartment. He was pissed and tired because she wasn’t as prepared as he thought she should be, it took longer, she ended up being on the top floor, etc, etc and it just all spiraled downward from there.

I didn’t have a good day either. The kids were difficult. I had lots of chores to catch up on since we had been gone for the weekend.

We were both frustrated. We had a fight. And he took it a little too far. Instead of sticking to the subject at hand – he made it into an attack on me…everything. It didn’t matter if it was true or not, he was in combative mode and anything that could hurt me was used. And I was in such shock over the whole thing that instead of blowing up, I imploded. I fell apart. I just don’t deal well with the unexpected and I didn’t see this coming at all.  With all the bullshit I normally deal with on a day to day basis, this made the load unbearable.

We sat down and talked last night and I just told him that he can’t attack me the way that he did. My whole life is this family and when he attacked me as a wife and as a mother, it made me feel worthless…like everything I’ve done was pointless. I told him that mentally, emotionally & physically I’m just not strong enough to deal with it.  It seem to shock him that I showed weakness, that I crumbled and sobbed. I guess I’ve been a rock through so much for so long, that sometimes he forgets I’m just a girl who loves him and is completely vulnerable.

Yes, it is scary to be this vulnerable to somebody. There is always the risk that I could be completely destroyed. But I guess that’s the chance you take to experience the other side of it all…. the make up, the good stuff and the strengthening that comes with surviving the rough spots.

4 thoughts on “Marriage is hard work.

  1. it was wrong of him to go off track and attack you personally in everyway he could think of.  like you said…. when you love someone you leave yourself vulenerable and you trust them. you have to be vunerable like that… but that person shouldn’t use that to hurt you. it was wrong of him and i hope he realizes that. ((((hugs))))

  2. Man I wish you and I could go hang out right now.. How does tomorrow sound? heh.
    Your words ment alot to me. Pastor B said something similiar about “as a woman you and i have NO idea the pain she must be going through right now” to James.. Reminded me of your comment. Im going the Christian Woman way about it. Im going to give it a shot and get plugged into the Word and let God take this because Im doing a horrible job at it by myself. We both are. Anyway, I’ll be praying for your relationship when Im praying for mine. Its so hard and sucks so bad but then there are the good times too. Uughh why did it have to be made so difficult I just dont understand. Hang in there, I will too and we’ll get through this…or at least try right?
    Love ya girl. be strong…or dont. Just be you.

  3. I’m glad that you all talked. I was really concerned. I was going to call but then two things happened. I remembered I didn’t have your # anymore and my phone is broken. I am getting a new one today. Can you believe I just got your sweet voicemail yesterday? I’m glad we made up too….and I’m glad you came to visit. I missed you….in all aspects. I may be coming to VA on fall break (sometime in OCt) to look at pharm schools….I’ll try to arrange it so I’m there when you are. I love you….and no matter what Chris says you are an exceptional mommy and wife 🙂

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