Burnout

Lunch with my bestie yesterday was just what I needed. She totally GETS IT. I guess it’s just nice to be validated sometimes. Plus, we laugh so hard my cheeks always hurt by the time she leaves. Good times.

I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. I just feel burnt out. Please, don’t get me wrong. I love my kids with all my heart, but doing anything all hours of the day, everyday is wearing. Even… eating chocolate! I could use a break.

Pickle is just difficult to deal with period. He’s 9, but he mentally 6. It’s a little tricky because I expect him to act like a 9 year old and he TOTALLY doesn’t. He’s not bad….it’s just hard to explain.

Jedi is going through a whiny phase, when they whine and cry about EVERYTHING. Happens a couple times a year, but he’s just soooo emotional. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried cuddling. Ive tried talking to him. I’ve tried putting him in time-out for it until he’s ready to use his words like a big boy. I hear it so much right now that it’s like nails on a chalkboard. I’m to the point that I just cringe when he starts, pulling my shoulders up to my ears in tension.

And Baby Girl, well she’s usually  the angel baby…but she’s surely going through the terrible twos. Her newest favorite word is “NO”.

Aside from Pickle, I know this is all age-appropriate kiddie stuff, but why does it feel so overwhelming? I cant be the only one. Why the hell dont Moms talk about this.

I honestly think I might seriously cut off one of my arms to have a day ALONE. Like, just to go to a hotel and have a room to myself. I don’t even want husband to go (hell, even that turns into babysitting more than I’d like to admit(….I mean ALONE, ALONE. I just want to sleep and take a bath without someone talking to me through the door or staring at me while I poop. I’d probably just go back to sleep after a bath. I just want time for myself. I just want a break from everyone’s expectations of me as a mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister, etc…etc…etc…

When I stop and think about it, I realize I’ve been raising kids since I was 19. I jumped right into the role of Mom when we met because…well, someone had to. And it makes me feel like a terrible person to think and feel this way. To actually desire to be away from my family, but I guess everyone needs to be alone from time to time.

Maybe I don’t want to be alone. Maybe that’s why the past has been calling and I’ve gotten lost in daydreams of revisiting what it’s like to be a teenager. Remembering that girl. The girl I gave up.

((((sigh))))

Horoscope:

Someone in your immediate environment may be working against you behind the scenes. This is most likely a reflection of your own unconscious feelings blocking your success. Although this may not make sense, answers might be buried within your childhood fears or parental expectations.*(???)* Revisit your childhood to recover the relevant memories and then apply what you learn to the present.

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