I am really tired of feeling like crappola.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to wait around for my doctor to run more tests and more bloodwork because obviously there is a problem in my digestive system that has to do with carbs, not so much sugar but maybe grain? I talked to my Nana a couple days back and asked her what foods caused her the biggest problems and she told me her biggest problems are with bread and anything containing modified food starch. So….I’ve been journaling my stomach problems along with my food consumption and it seems that I have the biggest problems after consuming these same things. This would point in the direction of Celiac disease or at least some type of gluten sensitivity and because of the family history and this being the direction my doctor is going, I think I’m just going to save myself a hundred $$$ in co-payments (Thank-God for medical insurance) and just go back on a NO BREAD, lo-carb diet? Bleh

I know a lot of people don’t think much of lo-carb diets but it is the only thing that has worked for me as far as weight loss goes and I just feel so much better when I eat less carbs.I dont understand it but I have more energy, I’m in a better mood, my sex drive is better…..and since going completely off of it and eating “normal” I just feel worse and worse.

That’s it – I’ve decided, cause I really can’t take it anymore.

Today I’m going to go out and have a carbfest, I’m gonna have all the wonderful starchy things a girl could dream of even if I pay for it. I’m thinking cereal for breakfast, maybe a bagel too… pizza for lunch ….hmmm, I’ll have to work a brownie into my day one way or another and let’s see… paycheck today and he’s got some overtime so I’m thinking….Cheese Fries and some of that fabulous bread @ Outback Steakhouse for dinner?

Oy! I’m gonna be sick.

Hurricane Katrina

It appears New Orleans has caught a little bit of luck as it wasn’t hit directly, but it’s still in pretty bad shape. I can’t believe how some people are actually out in the street playing in the water. That water is waste water and will make you extremely sick. I’m also thinking there must have been some alligators and other bayou stuff blown inland from that storm and well, that’s scary in itself.  Then I wonder….in the midst of such a tragedy when people could put their efforts into helping others why are people looting pawn shops and taking all the guns? Why are people looting at all? I mean, c’mon people! Have a little character. Shit like that annoys me more than I can put into words.

According to the Weather Channel this morning, the storm is STILL a tropical storm and it’s making it’s way into KY. That’s one hell of a storm. It seems we have this massive amount of rainfall headed our way.

Since we live in an old house we’ve had problems with getting water in our basement. Two weeks ago my husband dug up all the corners of the house and poured cement into them and extend our downspouts away from the foundation. This has kept it dry since then. Considering this storm is going to drop more rain in 24hours than we’ve had this whole month….I guess we’ll get to see how it’s going to hold up. I’m hoping it does cause I am extremely paranoid when it comes to these things and I worry about mold and all that crazy shit.

FYI- the movie “Alexander” SUCKS!  The only reason I watched the whole thing was because of Angelina  Jolie, who I admit I have a little crush on, and Jared Leto. There were some strange homosexual undertones that weren’t very subtle, which whatever but it wasn’t a good movie. And the only thing MIDLY entertaining about it was the raunchy animal  sex scene between Alexander and his barbarian bride and the little peek you get at Collin Farrel’s pecker, which I of course paused and played in slow motion.  Hey-  I was curious

Small town moments

I was feeling a little stressed earlier this evening so, husband asked if maybe my Dad would come over and sit with the kids for a little while and I could drive out with him to one of the buildings he takes care of just to get a break.

It happens that this building is the tallest one in the little dive town he grew up in so he asks me if I want to go up on the roof with him and check it out.  I climb this  little ol fire escape type ladder and got up on the roof. It’s only 8 floors up but  it was just beautiful up there. It made the little dive of a town and all of it’s “Get er’ done” residents obsolete below. It just so happen that the sun was setting and it was breathtaking. For a guy with the romantic aptitude of a fish, he did pretty well. I didn’t want to leave because it was just so quiet and peaceful up there. The air was easier to breathe in, or maybe life was.

And then we returned to reality.

We dropped in to one of the many little hole in the wall bars. Keep in mind this is the town where he grew up and its small and he and his brothers seem to be notorious, so every time we go into one of these places, someone walks up and starts talking about old times and crazy stuff he used to do. I probably know all these stories, but I still like to hear them and watch him get embarrassed. It works out a lot because the bar owner at this particular bar is a buddy who knows him some how or another and so when we order a drink, he just says it’s on the house. And for good measure he makes mine strong. I imagine this is more so that I get tipsy and he gets lucky than for my benefit. Not that sex doesnt benefit me, but you know what I mean.

It’s times like that when I feel bad that he hasn’t played in so long. He has his drum set and guitar all set up in the basement and he’ll screw around every now and then but, he really should be playing more often. It’s hard for him, or us, to find the time between work, kids, house, school, homework, karate classes, dr appts, but I think I’m going to encourage him to set something up.

Sounds like this hurricane blowing into New Orleans is no bueno. Hope people listen and get the hell out. One of the things that has always stuck with me from school was this emergency preparedness demonstration about a hurricane of this magnitude hitting New Orleans. Folks, it’s below sea level and surrounded by water, a virtual bowl. Let’s hope this storms turns or dies down.


10 years ago: 16 years old – just finished my sophmore year of high school.  I had just started dating my best male friend, Darryl, againist all my better judgement and was really being treated like a queen. Long walks, talks, little love letters and hand picked daffodils. Being sung old Motown songs in my ear, ‘That’s All’. Grand summer adventures with Noah, Brian, Sam & Casper. Those guys were crazy.

5 years ago: Nicki and Joey had just gotten married. My whole world was falling apart. I was pregnant with my son, JJ and not really knowing what was going to happen next. Don’t really care to get into that.

1 year ago:  I was in a huge dramafest with my cousin Li, just gotten back from visiting my cousin Ni in Virginia, had gotten to introduce Hubby to Darryl and was really excited about Matilda moving back to Ohio from Montana.

Yesterday: Took JJ to preschool assessment, went to doc’s for more bloodwork, helped D with a collage project.

5 snacks I enjoy:  Brownies, Peanut M&Ms, Oreo Blizzards, Apple Empanadas, Chocolate Fudge Pop Tarts

 5 songs I know all the words to:

Purple Rain- Prince, Don’t Speak – No Doubt, You Oughta Know – Alanis Morrisette

Feel Like Making Love – Bad Company, I Can Only Imagine – Mercy Me

 5 things I would do with 100 million dollars:

Pay off all my bills, Give some to everyone in my family, Buy a big house with lots of land and horses and someone to train me how to ride, Donate to charity & science research, Go on a trip around the world

5 places I would run away to:

Hawaii, Nana’s hous, Beverly Hills, Amsterdam, Austrailia

5 things I would never wear:

A turban, A clit piercing, A trademarked tattoo, A thong bikini, Stillettos (sp?)

5 bad habits:

Procrastinating, Overeating, Impatience, Nail Biting, Worry

 5 favorite toys:

Computer, Phone, Digital Camera, Portable DVD player, Library Card

 5 fictional characters I would date:

Tristan – Legends of the Fall

Nikolas Cassadine – General Hospital

Mark – Love Actually

J. D. – Thelma & Louise

Henry Roth- 50 First Dates


Due to Pickle’s developmental delays and special needs they asked me to bring Jedi in for an assessment for their preschool/early intervention program.

Turns out my Jedi is performing at or above average in every area of the assessment this morning, so he doesn’t qualify for free preschool. BUT they did ask me if I would like to enroll him as a playmate peer, which means that he’s actually setting an example for the children in the class who do have developmental delays BUT at nearly $200/wk for that privilege, I’m gonna have to pass. I guess now it will just be a matter of getting myself enrolled in school and hoping that the free daycare/preschool I’ve heard will be provided if I’m going to college on a Pell grant will pan out OR take classes at night when they could be with their Dad.

Jedi was really in all his glory this morning. I swear he’s my grandfather reincarnated. Social butterfly, talking to everyone! The other parents had a hard time separating from their kids, but JJ went right over and starting introducing himself….

“Hi, I’m JJ. What’s your name?” He’s done his Momma proud.

Faith restored

My faith in family and the human race in general has been a little restored.

Yesterday when I went to check the mail, I was surprised to see a card from my cousin, Li. It was touching and it meant a lot to me. Made me cry. She wrote some really kind things in there. I really believe that there would never be a resolution between the two of us and well, it’s nice to have one.  It’s nice when people are accountable. I have gained a great deal of respect for Lindsey because of that.  I guess all things really are possible through prayer and faith.  I’ll have to mark this in the column of things that I handed over to God and he came through on.

Today is Pickle’s first day of school. 3rd grade. That was a rough year for me cause I had a tough teacher. Ms. Ray. she was a hippie who wore those long crinkled skirts made of hemp or something, the peasant shirts, a peace necklace and John Lennon glasses. She had hair that went below her butt and the girls in class would spend recess brushing, braiding and putting flowers in her hair. She was a good teacher though.  

Got a little off track there. Back to Pickle.

It’s kinda weird for me, cause when Hubby and I first met…he was two. I remember his first day of preschool and kindergarten. He’s getting all growned up. I guess that was bound to happen sooner or later, but man, time sure does fly. And poor Jedi got all teary-eyed when Pickle left to catch the bus. I think he’s gonna miss his playmate.



1) What is your most treasured memory?

Hmmm….that’s hard. I think the thing that stands out more than any other memory in my mind was the  first time I heard my son’s heartbeat when I was pregnant. I can’t explain how I felt or what it meant but, knowing that there was this little life growing inside of me was just the most amazing thing.

2) You find a time machine, what would you do? Where would you go?

I would go back to when my mother was a little girl and I’d kill the bastard before he even got a chance.

3) Tell us about something that you regret more than anything?

My one regret has to do with a person. Someone I think I could’ve done without in life. Not letting him in would have saved me a lot of trouble and a lot of heartache. It would have also saved other people heartache. He is the only person in my life I could factor out without the same course of actions occuring. I know it’s been said that you shouldn’t ever regret anything that ever made you smile….but in the end, the hurt really outweighed that. Making the CHOICE to let him be a part of my life is my one regret.

4) If you could stop time for 1 day, what would you do? Where would you go?

 I think I would go to a bank, make my bank account really huge so that I could be financially secure for the rest of my life and then go some place beautiful like a beach, maybe Figi, watch the sunset, take over a luxury suite at some $12,000 a night getaway, take a long, warm bubble bath and sleep for 12hours or so….then return home and restart time.

5) If you could be famous for one thing…what would it be?

I would like to be the one to find a cure for AIDS or cancer or autism or Alzheimer’s, Pakinsons or epilepsy.


It is beautiful here today. All the windows in the house are open and the breeze is blowing through.

This reminds me that autumn is just around the corner. My favorite season. Something about the smell of the air when the leaves turn. T-shirts and jeans weather. This is when I find I want to be outside more. I start bugging the hubster to take evening walks with me. I love fall and I think it’s just on summer’s heels.

I take some comfort in that.

Randomness for Friday:

~ I filled out my FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) last night. Yes, I’ve decided to stop piddlefarting around and just start getting my shit together to go back and finish my degree.

~ My father in law ended up in the ER last night. He got stung by a bee and had an allergic reaction even though he’s never had one before. He got stung and then his face turned all red and he couldn’t breathe and when my MIL tried to get him to get in the car so she could drive him to the ER, he couldn’t get up. A neighbor had to help her. They gave him an IV, a couple breathing treatments and sent him home. Pretty damn scary for a bee sting.

~ Had a great night last night. Nothing special just me, him, our home, our couch, cuddling. It’s good for the soul I swear.

~ I love chocolate covered strawberries. I made some for dessert last night. MMMMmmmmm

~ When someone says “clean up the glass half empty shit” to me, I can only assume that it means they are telling me to stop being negative. I don’t feel negative…in fact I’m far from it. Yeh, I have bad days but who the hell doesn’t? and shouldn’t you be able to vent to someone? I don’t think being honest or realistic means being negative or for that matter that being idealistic and nonchalance means you are positive. Difference of opinion or outlook does not a character flaw make.  I’ve never put that burden on anyone. I’m just trying to me true to myself and that’s all I can do or expect.

~ Selah. It’s a word used a lot in the Bible usually following some advice or piece of wisdom. I can only assume that it means to reflect on what has just been said. Like WORD TO YA MOTHA! or something like that.

~Baby Girl woke me up this morning by jumping in bed with me and whispering, ” I love you, Mommy.” I couldn’t have requested a better wake up call.

~ Baby Girl has an appointment today to get caught up on her immunizations. Everytime that I’ve scheduled this appt. she gets sick and they won’t give them unless they are well. I really hate her getting shots. When they prick here she is shocked and she like sucks in her breath and opens her mouth to scream but nothing comes out and then there is the BIG sob. It breaks my heart.

~  Pickle goes back to school next Thursday. I made it through the summer!!!!

~ I really love my life. I have absolutely nothing to be bitter about.

~ I have cleaning to do that I’m procrastinating about.

~ I have a chick flick date with my mother this afternoon. We are watching “The Upside of Anger” today.

~ Yay! It’s Friday! Not that I work outside of the house and that my weekend is any different than any other day, but still YIPPEE!

~ Thought of the day: “Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy.”

High Fidelity

I finally got a chance to watch the movie ‘High Fidelity’ with John Cusack Sunday night when I got home. I’ve been thinking about it a lot ever since.

The movie is about a break-up and how the main charcter (Cusack) thinks that he is doomed to fail in love and has been the victim in all his relationships. So, he tracks down all the girls on his “Top Five Break-Up” list (I might make one of these tomorrow) to ask them what the hell is wrong with him. As the film rolls on you realize he’s a pretty self-absorbed prick who strictly is in love with the fantasy of being with a woman. He chases, pursues, even obsesses about the girl until the real work is required and when the fantasy wears out and real-life sets in, he gets interested in the next fantasy. He’s kinda a “one-foot out the door, always keeping his options open” guy. And he thinks that’s the way to be because then he’s not missing out on anything. The thing is that he actually is missing out, because he’s not allowing himself to FULLY experience the relationships he is in.

The best part of this whole movie is when one of the ex-girlfriend’s friends actually finds out the REAL story about him after she had been supportive of him and took his side through the break-up and she walks up and screams…… “YOU ASSHOLE!” and then walks away.

My husband didnt understand why I thought it was so funny, but to me it was hysterical. Maybe its because I can see myself doing that, or more likely because there has been an occasion when I’d longed for anyone to call out my ex.

In order to tell you why this movie is so prevelant and why it’s been on my mind, I’d have to reveal more than I think I should without retaining my own dignity. That’s pretty rich considering all the TMI moments Ive had. But- I’ll just say that I dated THAT guy. You know, the guy who emotionally checks out after promising you the world? And it sucks. It sucks really bad anytime someone hurts you but even more so when they neglect taking any responsibility for their actions and then for added insult portray you out to be the villian to your friends and family.

Ladies- a little advice:

Any man who blames all of his past relationship failures on all of the past participants but himself – IS FULL OF SHIT!