Darryl called yesterday afternoon. We talked for over an hour. There was a lot of laughing involved and it felt really good. I am so grateful to be able to have that connection back with him that I once had to sacrifice. I guess it’s true what they say. Boyfriends come and go but friends are forever. Maybe the key is truly to be friends first.
I didn’t fall asleep until 4:30 this morning. I just couldn’t sleep. I’m sure it has to do with still having this pain in my neck and also the fact that my
husband‘s biological father will be arriving for a weekend visit from North Carolina Friday.
To make a very long story as short as possible….
Hubby‘s Mom had an on again off again relationship in high school with a guy we call “Repeat” (see Fat Albert). Sherwood was her friend with whom she grew up with. While on a split from Repeat, her and Sherwood hooked up and thus my husband was conceived. Sherwood’s family was very well-to-do and well-known in the city, it was a really big deal so they forced Sherwood to deny the whole thing and stay away from MIL. So, by the time he was born, she was already married to Repeat and packing to move away to wherever the Army put him. Sherwood agreed to abide by whatever MIL’s wishes were and since Repeat was not all that happy about the situation, he was told to stay away. Repeat and MIL had two boys of their own but divorced in the late 70’s, after a lot of abuse and then her affair with John. Mother in Law remarried John who later adopted all the boys as his own.
husband considers John his Dad and he has been a very good one. Well, provider wise, maybe not very emotionally available thought. Of course, my husband always wondered about Sherwood but his brothers always made him feel like he would be betraying John by trying to find Sherwood, but like I told them…they know their father (Repeat), they know he’s an asshole and they CHOOSE not to have anything to do with him and my husband has the same rights. So, I decided to be the bad guy and hunted Sherwood down online without telling anyone. I contacted him a few times via e-mail but got no response. I finally gave my husband his phone number and he would get drunk and call him and hang up. And finally, while addressing Christmas cards in 2001, we decided to make one last attempt by sending him a card with some pictures in it. Well, Sherwood’s wife got the envelope with a female’s penmanship and decided to open the envelope herself.
I guess Sherwood had always had some doubts about paternity because of the situation with Mom and Repeat always on and off again, but once they saw those pictures, his doubt was gone. He had his wife call me and clear a path for him to make contact with
husband later that night. It was two days before Christmas 2001 and a week later they paid our expenses for us to drive to North Carolina and meet them and spend New Years with them. It went well and it wasn’t weird at all. There seems to be no hard feelings and Sherwood told him he would never want to even try to replace John’s place in his life but hoped that they could really become friends and that’s how it is between them. They are very good friends and confide in each other.
As when anybody visits, I’m doing that mad cleaning dash thing that all women do. Why do we do this? I mean our houses are never this well put together at any other time, so why do we drive ourselves to the brink of madness making it look like that is the case? Isn’t that lying? or at the very least being fake???
Off to clean!