The sweet and the sour

25 years old, proud Mom to 2 boys (8&3 years old) and a beautiful , beaming little girl (1 1/2years old)

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That chic completes me. She is my happy place.

However, tonight I am sad. The space next to me is empty as I lie in bed. I know I didn’t get married to sleep alone, more than that though, I feel alone in this even when that space is occupied by my husband. I just feel like I deserve better than to keep dealing with this shit. All I want is a partner.

The drunken incidents had gotten fewer and further apart for some time, but they always come back. They still happen. I know I don’t want to be dealing with the same shit in another 5 years down the road. No, I can’t be doing that. I”m too tired.

I’m tired of the contradictions – I love you, I appreciate you, I need to show you more, I will show you more and then this … he goes to help his Uncle move at noon, Who even knows when he started drinking. I saw him around 4pm. He seems weird, more than just beer going on. But he apologizes that it is taking so long and says it should be done soon. Then at 6:30 he tells me they finally have gotten the last load to his Uncle’s and will be home soon. At 8, I call him. I can tell he’s wasted. He tells me he’s getting ready to leave and I tell him not to bother because we can’t afford any consequence of him drinking and driving.

Im so annoyed. IT’s just another one of those situation that I should see coming and don’t.

I’m having surgery in a week. This is just stirring the shit pot of bad memories, reminding me that every time I’ve needed to depend on him, he’s bailed.