23

My best friend, Bevis, kidnapped me and took me out last night and ugh, not the going out, that’s always a blast, especially w/ her (love her), it’s the dreaded, God awful HANGOVER!!! The kind you can only get when it’s your birthday and everybody wants to buy you a drink. Double ugh…

All I want to do is lie in bed but, the kids are up. Where is hubby? Hubby is hungover worse than I am, so he’s still in bed. Granted I did brush off quite a few of the drinks bought for me, towards him.

Sometimes I just don’t know about him.

Things between us have been going really well, especially with the new job and everything. In my drunken, vulnerable state last night I confessed my BIG wish. Another baby. A baby girl. I already know her. I can see her in my dreams. Her, us and her two big brothers. A family. A simple life. Til death do us part. Suddenly he’s convinced that we’re ready to have another baby. We weren’t married when our son was conceived, and even though he begged me to marry him and have a baby, he did not help the pregnant lady out very much. In fact, well, it wasn’t good.

I’d love to have another baby. I REALLY would. My son is the greatest thing that ever happened to me no matter what I went through. Yes, yes, yes – I want to have a baby. My little girl, dare I dream, but I just would like to know that our marriage will retain some qualities of normalcy. Consistency. My husband can be a GREAT guy but he has major issues with alcohol. And while I know that has nothing to do with me, he can make it about me in a heartbeat.

I wish I could see into the future, through the crystal ball and know that we will be fine, that everything will be OK. Perhaps though, the closest thing I have to the crystal ball is looking at our past. The past always seems to rear its ugly head …

Dare to live the dream or proceed with caution? That is the question.

One thought on “23

  1. Your husband

    Your husband sounds very self-involved. I apologize for his behavior on behalf of the entire male species. What a horrible speimen. Doesn’t he see that he’s headed for self-destruction???

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