Love does not conquer all

I am now on complete bed rest until I reach 36 weeks, leaving me totally dependent on my husband.

I had to go to the hospital again tonight for monitoring because of blurred vision and dizziness. My Mom took me because he was on call, but when I got home, he was buzzed up. I literally had to crawl up the stairs to bed.

It seems to be pointless to discuss any of this with him anymore. We talk, he cries, he understands, then he drinks. I gave this man a chance after chance after chance. Every reason he has had for drinking, I have knocked down. There are no more excuses. He’s an alcoholic – bottom line.

I told him before we got married, several times, that if he wanted to party and drink himself silly, that if he couldn’t start the life we talked about sharing now, that I would be hurt, but we would make shared parenting work and go our separate ways and not get married if he couldn’t keep his promise to stop abusing because I don’t want to live like this and I didn’t want to be bitter and hate him. I told him he could do that and I was completely sincere and he knew this type of lifestyle would not work for me or for a family. Now look at us. I resent being made into the nagging, bitchy wife. This has to stop.

This is my first and only child. This should be the happiest time of my life and I haven’t been able to enjoy one piece of it. It’s always something.

Besides Pickle’s recent revelation about having been molested, which I can walk through with him and handle, it’s mostly been husband bullshit.

Why?

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