Have you had one of those conversations you never saw coming from someone you’ve known, but suddenly find out is willing to introduce themselves to you on another level? A conversation that tears down walls and opens up doors?
I had that conversation tonight.
It was if I was looking through a key hole and suddenly everything aligned, illuminated and gave me a desperately needed glimmer of hope.
Good people exist.
They’re tired and skittish, but what a brutiful sight when a spark sets off a blaze of bravery to share their souls once more.
I met a friend for a drink tonight after having a unsettling start to this week. Then, we went to see ‘A Star Is Born” together. I guess it is fair to say that I am haunted by the performance. It stirred up memories and emotions in me. I tried to meditate and read unsuccessfully. I’m still lying here awake in these early morning hours not able to appreciate the silence because of the noise of my mind.
I can’t place my finger on what has set my mind adrift and shadow boxing.
I am genuinely frightened
I’m struggling. Physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.
When I tell people this, they tell me I’m the strongest person they know and that they are certain my resilience will break through all of it. Depending on the person, I sometimes just barely confess the truth I’m feeling at my core, that I’m not as certain.
The follow-up response always leaves me confused: “I need you”, they say.
I’m really not even sure what that means.
Perhaps the reason I don’t ask is because I’m afraid that it has more to do with them, than me. Maybe deep down, I can’t conceive that I’m irreplaceable when so many have walked away and lived their lives without bother.
What is the message and/or lesson?