I’m learning to see. I don’t know why it is, but everything penetrates into me more deeply and doesn’t stop at the place where, until now, it always used to end. I have an inner life that I didn’t know about. Everything goes there now. I don’t know what happens there.
– The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge
I’m struggling. Physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.
When I tell people this, they tell me I’m the strongest person they know and that they are certain my resilience will break through all of it. Depending on the person, I sometimes just barely confess the truth I’m feeling at my core, that I’m not as certain.
The follow-up response always leaves me confused: “I need you”, they say.
I’m really not even sure what that means.
Perhaps the reason I don’t ask is because I’m afraid that it has more to do with them, than me. Maybe deep down, I can’t conceive that I’m irreplaceable when so many have walked away and lived their lives without bother.
What is the message and/or lesson?
Where does it all lead? What will become of us? These were our young questions, and young answers were revealed. It leads to each other. We become ourselves.
~ Patti Smith, Just Kids
I’ve had a hard time finding words to encapsulate my last few weeks.
I’m learning a lot. It has all become quite the jumble again though.
“God, when you get old, forgiveness is so important. And you know, the reason that I can be articulate about my life is because I spent so long researching myself” — she sniffles, laughs — “and you can say, Well, that’s really narcissistic, and maybe it is! But I really believe in the importance of an examined life, of an intentional life.”
~ Jane Fonda
“Somebody, your father or mine, should have told us that not many people have ever died of love. But multitudes have perished, and are perishing every hour — and in the oddest places! — for the lack of it.”
James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room
it’s a lot like love, but i won’t call it that.
i’ll just enjoy it while it lasts.